Twas the night before tip off, and all through Spokane…
Not a student was sleeping – up all night they would plan
For the moment was here! For which they all yearn:
The moment when – finally – THE ZAGS RETURN!
That’s right – it’s Tip Off Eve! (Halloween? What’s that? Also, a little spin on a Christmas story seems fitting since today feels just like Christmas Eve, and fall here lasts for like five days anyway.
So here we are – the first game of the season, which means the first DIRT of the season is here! Not sure what that means? You’re missing out. For a refresher, or a hint at what lies ahead, see this, this aaaaaand this. If you’re still looking for an idea for our Costumes in the Kennel night, hopefully this starts some creative juices flowing…. However, if you just wanted to use these finds to throw them all off their Eh-game (get it? Our very first Canada joke!), feel free to use them as you please.
WITH THAT… We proudly present to you…. THE DIRT ON THOMPSON RIVERS UNIVERSITY
First, the basics: Thompson Rivers University (TRU), home to just under 25.000 students, is situated in beautiful Kamloops, British Columbia. TRU was founded in 1970 and originally known as Cariboo College, which sadly would have made this post a lot funnier overall if the name wasn’t changed. They’re rolling into the Kennel with a 4-2 record (not bad, not bad), but acknowledge that “this will be a very hard game”, but “they’re really looking forward to it”.
Now, some of you may have this itching thought in the back of your minds – Kamloops. Kamloops. Where have I heard of that before?! Oh yeah…
Second, family ties. A familiar name will be in the house. What one reason would most Zags have to recognize the word Kamloops? Well… It happens to be the hometown of our very own Kelly Olynyk (hi, Kelly!!!) However, Kelly isn’t the only Olynyk to be associated with TRU… Kelly’s dad Ken happens to be the Atheltic Director at Thompson Rivers, and very likely had a leading role in getting this game on the schedule.
Ken Olynyk, who is very likely going to be in the Kennel tomorrow (so look for him and wave!), has his own proud basketball history – the former coach of the Canadian Men’s Junior National Team once cut Steve Nash from his squad. Oopsies.
Mr. Olynyk isn’t the only one who has a personal connection to the Zags, though – WolfPack forward Josh Wolfram is the older brother of our very own Emma Wolfram (who was also coached by Ken Olynyk in high school… Hmmm.) Emma’s played on numerous Canadian National Teams throughout her career and Josh played all through high school with KO, but I think it’s safe to say – we got the better Wolfram sibling.
With all the formal, boring introductions out of the way, lets move on to…
Third, the players themselves.
….we couldn’t find anything.
I’m kidding of course (never underestimate the power of Google!), but seriously, these guys never post anything on social media. Every combination of *player name* and weird, odd, bizarre, unique, crazy and creepy turned up nothing.
Well check their Twitter accounts! Their Instagrams, add them on Snapchat, DO EVERYTHING!
We found seven of them on Twitter – they don’t follow each other. Only three of them have posted in the last year. Two have posted since this school year started.
Instagram – we found a couple more, but they have like 5 pictures. All old. I guess, by any aspect of the word, the dirt on these guys is just…that they’re incredibly boring.
HOWEVER. Never fear. Even the most empty social media accounts turn something good up now and again!
We’ve got #8 Luke Morris (on IG as “luke14_25”, King of the #ShamelessSelfie. Please note the captions – someone please get this kid an agent, someone who can talk to him about what should and shouldn’t go on the internet for everyone to see.
Also, not too worried about the level of his game, because the number of pictures of drinking games he posts is WAY too high. Is that all there is to do in Canada? Alchockey… Never heard of it, never want to again.
We move to Joe Davis, who’s pretty easy to describe: mirror selfies and starstruck fans.
See? Kelly! But dude, you’ve got a hole in your shirt. This isn’t Mean Girls, that look is never going to be fetch.
We’ve got Brett Rouault, who seems to have the same #brokecollegekidproblems as most of us:
Sidenote: I feel this on a very personal level. Dear Gonzaga Telefund: STOP. CALLING. ME. As a current student, I already give plenty of money to the University. Seriously, I’ll think about donating after I get my degree and can have a job and income and a real life. Chill out until then.
Probably the most concerning is the social media of freshman guard, #6 Ismail Ibrahim. We’ve got several very clear obsessions coming through and THOUGH IT IS JUST AFTER HALLOWEEN, PLEASE DO NOT USE HIS INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT FOR COSTUME IDEAS.
We’ve got this lovely “eat or be eaten” post:
Nightmares. Thanks for that. We see a clear fascination with Miley Cyrus:
And, just to use his perennial #WCW as a segway into the other, scarier fascination… Ismail likes butts. And hashtags. To prove it:
There’s a worse one, but because I don’t want to scar you all permanently, I’ll just put the glorious caption: It’s accurate. It’s illuminating. Let’s just say the moon was very bright that night. Don’t believe me? Check his profile to find out for yourself: “thats_gray”. There’s a number of other puns I could put here, but I’ll just keep it simple. Goodnight Moon, hopefully we DON’T see you in the Kennel tomorrow!
Everyone sleep well, we’ll see you tomorrow when the season finally gets underway. Happy Halloween!